Slipshod and Simple

Wow...

2008-08-22T17:00:00.001-04:00

I remember when I used to blog...

I like Meg White

2005-12-01T23:34:00.000-05:00

Bush's Impeachment

2005-09-05T10:44:00.000-04:00

Three charges come to mind:

Gross negligence - Failure to use even the slightest amount of care in a way that shows Recklessness or willful disregard for the safety of others.
Dereliction of duty - One willfully, through negligence or culpable inefficiency fails to perform one's expected duties.
Depraved indifference - Recklessly engaging in conduct which creates a grave risk of death to other persons, and thereby causes serious physical injury to other persons.

Wouldn't doubt it

2005-08-27T22:37:00.000-04:00

Bush's Obscene Tirades Rattle White House Aides

By DOUG THOMPSON
Aug 25, 2005, 06:19

While President George W. Bush travels around the country in a last-ditch effort to sell his Iraq war, White House aides scramble frantically behind the scenes to hide the dark mood of an increasingly angry leader who unleashes obscenity-filled outbursts at anyone who dares disagree with him.

“I’m not meeting again with that goddamned bitch,” Bush screamed at aides who suggested he meet again with Cindy Sheehan, the war-protesting mother whose son died in Iraq. “She can go to hell as far as I’m concerned!”

Bush flashes the bird, something aides say he does often and has been doing since his days as governor of Texas.
Bush, administration aides confide, frequently explodes into tirades over those who protest the war, calling them “motherfucking traitors.” He reportedly was so upset over Veterans of Foreign Wars members who wore “bullshit protectors” over their ears during his speech to their annual convention that he told aides to “tell those VFW assholes that I’ll never speak to them again is they can’t keep their members under control.”

White House insiders say Bush is growing increasingly bitter over mounting opposition to his war in Iraq. Polls show a vast majority of Americans now believe the war was a mistake and most doubt the President’s honesty.

“Who gives a flying fuck what the polls say,” he screamed at a recent strategy meeting. “I’m the President and I’ll do whatever I goddamned please. They don’t know shit.”

Bush, whiles setting up for a photo op for signing the recent CAFTA bill, flipped an extended middle finger to reporters. Aides say the President often “flips the bird” to show his displeasure and tells aides who disagree with him to “go to hell” or to “go fuck yourself.” His habit of giving people the finger goes back to his days as Texas governor, aides admit, and videos of him doing so before press conferences were widely circulated among TV stations during those days. A recent video showing him shooting the finger to reporters while walking also recently surfaced.

Bush’s behavior, according to prominent Washington psychiatrist, Dr. Justin Frank, author of “Bush on the Couch: Inside the Mind of the President,” is all too typical of an alcohol-abusing bully who is ruled by fear.

To see that fear emerges, Dr. Frank says, all one has to do is confront the President. “To actually directly confront him in a clear way, to bring him out, so you would really see the bully, and you would also see the fear,” he says.

Dr. Frank, in his book, speculates that Bush, an alcoholic who brags that he gave up booze without help from groups like Alcoholics Anonymous, may be drinking again.

“Two questions that the press seems particularly determined to ignore have hung silently in the air since before Bush took office,” Dr. Frank says. “Is he still drinking? And if not, is he impaired by all the years he did spend drinking? Both questions need to be addressed in any serious assessment of his psychological state.”

Last year, Capitol Hill Blue learned the White House physician prescribed anti-depressant drugs for the President to control what aides called “violent mood swings.” As Dr. Frank also notes: “In writing about Bush's halting appearance in a press conference just before the start of the Iraq War, Washington Post media critic Tom Shales speculated that ‘the president may have been ever so slightly medicated.’”

Dr. Frank explains Bush’s behavior as all-to-typical of an alcoholic who is still in denial:

“The pattern of blame and denial, which recovering alcoholics work so hard to break, seems to be ingrained in the alcoholic personality; it's rarely limited to his or her drinking,” he says. “The habit of placing blame and denying responsibility is so prevalent in George W. Bush's personal history that it is apparently triggered by even the mildest threat.”

Copyright 2005 Capitol Hill Blue

Wow, finally...

2005-08-02T15:31:00.000-04:00

What idiots. I am serious when I tell you that the lack of a right click was one of the major reasons I abandoned Mac years ago, and I was a huge evangelist. In the words of Pat Benetar: "It's a little too little, it's a little too late"

New Mouse for Macs Has Multiple Buttons

Apple Computer Inc. introduced on Tuesday its first computer mouse with multiple buttons, including four sensors and a tiny scroll ball.

Although a departure from the company's traditional mouse, the 'Mighty Mouse' looks very similar to the single-button model Apple has long produced.

The most obvious difference is the relatively tiny scroll ball at the mouse's head, which can move cursors diagonally as well as up and down across display screens and can be pressed to 'click' functions.

Like Microsoft, Apple has for years built added functionality into its operating systems to accommodate multi-button mice. But you had to buy mice made by other manufacturers, such as Microsoft or Logitech, to take advantage.

Designers of the new Apple device wanted a scroll ball that was less obtrusive than other scroll balls and 'stayed out of the way' of users who chose not to use it, said David Moody, vice president of Macintosh hardware product marketing.

In lieu of actual buttons beyond the scroll ball, the optical-scanning mouse has four sensors that can be programmed for multiple actions, just like the left and right buttons on many PC mouses.

Mighty Mouse, which connects via a USB port, is PC-compatible but won't be able to move your cursor diagonally in Microsoft's Windows, Apple said.

It will retail for $49."

-GREG SANDOVAL

Retraction:

2005-07-12T23:43:00.000-04:00

I suppose I should be a bit more discerning in my choice of internet gossip.

MATCHBOX 20 - THOMAS REFUTES REPORTS HE SEDUCED CRUISE

MATCHBOX 20 frontman ROB THOMAS has rubbished reports he had sex with Hollywood superstar TOM CRUISE - and is even more mortified he's been labelled a fellow Scientologist.

The SOMETHING TO BE singer is horrified by claims he was caught in bed with the WAR OF THE WORLDS star and has finally spoken out to end the rumours.

But he's even more offended by reports he's joined Cruise and other followers of L RON HUBBARD's Church Of Scientology, which has been labelled a 'cult' by some critics.

He says, 'If I were gay, Tom wouldn't be on the top of my list...It would be BRAD PITT.

'I'm more offended by the rumours saying I'm Scientologist.'

contactmusic.com 12/07/2005

In other news: Earlier this evening I received the strangest fortune cookie ever. I quote: "Never smell the inside of a hat."

The Superficial - Tom Cruise and Rob Thomas caught in bed

2005-06-29T19:03:00.000-04:00

You see. I was just telling my Grandmother what a sham this Tom Cruise guy is...

The Superficial - Tom Cruise and Rob Thomas caught in bed
Tuesday - June 28, 2005

If there's one thing I know, it's that random gossip from total strangers based on absolutely no facts is true about 100% of the time. That said, here's an email that reader Rob decided to forward in.

So, I work with this girl who has a family friend that works in PR in Hollywood, and she always has fun little scoops about celeb stuff. Well, if this is true, this is just ridiculous! So, the whole Tom Cruise/Katie Holmes thing - apparently, it is, like we all thought anyway, a ridiculous PR thing. Tom Cruise was supposedly caught in bed with Rob Thomas (the lead singer of Matchbox 20) by Rob Thomas's wife, Marisol. Rob Thomas is also a Scientologist. Obviously, nobody wanted this to get out, and Marisol was going nuts threatening to expose them. I think that she might be getting paid off, but to preempt any rumors about Tom, the Scientology people as well as Tom's PR people basically recruited Katie Holmes to play this part of Tom's super-excited girlfriend, and they are just paying her a b*ttload of money. I guess they also woo'd her with promises of what this would do for her career, since she's at best a B-lister. But I guess now Marisol is so annoyed at all of the press Tom and Katie's relationship is getting, she's threatening to go public, spill the beans, and file for divorce.

Sure, why not."

WellPatch

2005-06-28T23:47:00.000-04:00

WellPatch Television Spot

It's the stick it where it hurts to feel well patch

works in a hurry to feel well patch

lasts a long time to feel well

Wellpatch its brings you back to well, patch!

Whatever your pain, Wellpatch brings you back to well.

Wow, these people are not paying me a dime and I've never used their product - That is one damn catchy jingle!

DO NOT SEE BEWITCHED

2005-06-24T16:17:00.000-04:00

AWFUL AWFUL AWFUL. SUPREME WASTE OF TIME. 90-SOME MINUTES OF MY LIFE I WILL NEVER GET BACK. GIVING A BAD NAME TO SUPER-NATURAL ROMANTIC COMEDIES ALL OVER THE COUNTRY THIS WEEKEND. THIS MOVIE SHOULD BE BURNED AT THE STAKE. WHAT A WASTE OF A CAST.

I used to hate him, now I like him

2005-06-22T19:10:00.000-04:00

NOEL GALLAGHER - GALLAGHER LIVE 8 WILL NEVER WORK

NOEL GALLAGHER is convinced LIVE 8 will never achieve its lofty aim of persuading politicians from the world's richest countries to eliminate debt owed by poorer nations.

The outspoken OASIS guitarist believes rock stars simply don't have the influence needed to affect the G8 decision makers - and believes all their hard work will be in vain.

He says, 'Correct me if I'm wrong, but are they hoping that one of these guys from the G8 is on a quick 15 minute break at Gleneagles (in Scotland) and sees ANNIE LENNOX singing SWEET DREAMS and thinks, 'F**k me, she might have a point there, you know?'

'KEANE doing SOMEWHERE ONLY WE KNOW and some Japanese businessman going, 'Aw, look at him... we should really f**king drop that debt, you know.'

'It's not going to happen, is it?'
22/06/2005 21:26"

Hey, whadda ya say we go down to the train tracks and shoot some rats?

2005-06-16T14:34:00.000-04:00

Sean Penn Interviews Iranian Frontrunner for 'S.F. Chronicle'

I've been hacked!

2005-06-02T18:36:00.000-04:00

VAMPIRES IS DONE

2005-06-01T04:08:00.000-04:00

and handed in.

Starwars Backlash!

2005-05-24T12:49:00.000-04:00

Two hurt in mock light sabre duel
Two Star Wars fans are in a critical condition in hospital after apparently trying to make light sabres by filling fluorescent light tubes with petrol.

A man, aged 20, and a girl of 17 are believed to have been filming a mock duel when they poured fuel into two glass tubes and lit it.

The pair were rushed to hospital after one of the devices exploded in woodland at Hemel Hempstead, Hertfordshire."

Person wearing Darth Vader mask robs Springfield theater
May 22, 2005 (SPRINGFIELD, Ill.)
Authorities say they haven't made any arrests in last night's robbery of a Springfield movie theater.

Springfield police Lieutenant Dave Dodson says a man wearing a Darth Vader mask walked into the Showplace Eight theater around nine-15 p-m last night. He says the man shoved an employee out of the way and grabbed an undetermined amount of cash before running out of the theater and into a nearby wooded area.

No weapons were displayed.

From the "This was Bound to Happen at Some Point" File: Oxygen Generator Fails for Good on Space Station - 140 Days of air left (and counting)

2005-05-17T07:39:00.000-04:00

I think I saw this episode of ~~Star Trek~~, ~~Battlestar Galactica~~, ~~Space 1999~~, MacGuyver, et al...

ISS Oxygen Generator Fails for Good, Station Managers Say: "CAPE CANAVERAL - A balky Russian oxygen generator broke down on the International Space Station, but its two-man crew has a reserve air supply that would last about five months, NASA officials said Friday.

The station's primary generator, which has been operating in an on-again, off-again fashion for months, stopped working last week and the station's crew has not been able to fix it."

Sure! Now they come out with it. 3 months after I quit smoking on my own.

2005-05-14T08:51:00.000-04:00

Nicotine vaccine is set to stub out smoking

SCIENTISTS will today unveil results from the first large-scale human trial into a vaccine for nicotine which could see people immunised against addictions to smoking within the next five years...

By Sam Lister, Health Correspondent (timesonline.co.uk)

Gunga, gunga-galunga

2005-05-13T16:43:00.000-04:00

"So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one - big hitter, the Lama - long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga... gunga, gunga-galunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, 'Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know.' And he says, 'Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.' So I got that goin' for me, which is nice."

I love the 80s

2005-05-02T18:18:00.000-04:00

Thanks Doug for the question, and thanks Doug for the picture:

Q: What are you doing these days?

2005-05-02T15:58:00.000-04:00

A: I'm outta' here in two weeks. Looks like I'm spending the summer in London. Before that, I'll be making appearances in the greater NYC/NJ area. Tickets are going fast! It being I've seen little or none of my family for about a year and a half, even though I'm two hours away (in every season but summer, that is), I'll be spending some time with them. After that, I don't know. I was thinking of learning Chinese or Arabic. What do YOU think?

Sajak Says...

2005-04-15T08:33:00.000-04:00

Oh no!

Arguing with Liberals, and Why I've Stopped

Every time I argue with a Liberal, I’m reminded of quarrels I used to have with my parents. The battles never seemed fair because my folks decided what the rules were and what was out of bounds. In addition, because they were parents, they could threaten me in ways I couldn’t threaten them, and they could say things I could never say.

(more)

I think Pat should have listened to his parents more.

Do I smell political office? "Senator, I'd like to buy... your influence" Ha Ha Ha Ha ha ha ha

Please add your Sajak joke here:

I'm sorry, I had to...

2005-04-13T07:38:00.000-04:00

The Official Britney Spears Pregnancy Watch

If I didn't, I wouldn't be a respectable member of the internet community.

J.K. Livin'

2005-04-10T22:07:00.000-04:00

Just caught a snippet of Matthew McConaughey on a profile show called "Uncut". He and his former frat-brother friends participate in a homegrown philosophy they call "J.K. Livin'" That's "Just Keep Livin'" for y'all work-a-day stiffs out there who didn't know. And "Livin'" (not "living") is a verb, says Matt. That's funny - I thought it was a presen' particip'.

I didn't know McConaughey actually was Wooderson - I mistakenly thought he was just acting when he played the character in a movie about stoned kids from the 70s.

Some people are VERY crazy...

2005-04-09T19:10:00.000-04:00

"The Mormon church has long collected names from government documents and other records worldwide for posthumous baptisms. Church members stand in for the deceased non-Mormons, a ritual the church says is required for the dead to reach heaven. The church believes individuals' ability to choose a religion continues beyond the grave."

AP - Jews, Mormons to Meet Over Baptisms

I wonder if the Mormon church has a position on dead people and "The Pepsi Challenge"?

Republican National Committee unveil new slogans:

2005-04-08T18:04:00.000-04:00

War is peace.

Freedom is slavery.

Ignorance is strength.

For more information please visit: GOP.com: Agenda

Have you seen this guy?

2005-04-08T12:33:00.000-04:00

This man, Ralph Chacon, Michael Jackson's former bodyguard, testified that he witnessed Jackson go down on a 13 year old boy.

I testify I saw Ralph Chacon GET oral from some dude in a truck on that episode of the Sopranos.

Today's headlines that didn't make it on Fark

2005-04-08T09:56:00.000-04:00

Elton John plunges into the red. Moments later, plunges into another shrimp cocktail, slice of cheesecake, and latino pool boy

Breath Kirstie Alley! Breath! The Physics of Gluttony. To lose weight, eat less, or breathe more. Here comes the science:

"Ask me! Tell me!" Gay U.S. Soldier Wants to Serve Openly

I'm not proud to say it, but...

2005-04-06T21:41:00.000-04:00

FOX's "Life on a Stick" is actually funnier than NBC's "The Office". (Not that I watched either of these shows in their entirety - I was more interested in watching the my team, the Mets, lose on another channel).

Irony Alert! Sin City #1 at Box Office on weekend of Pope's death

2005-04-03T18:57:00.000-04:00

Yahoo! Movies: Weekend Box Office Report

Follow up: Rick James for City Council

2005-04-03T11:13:00.000-04:00

NYP Online Edition: Pol Gets 'Bitchy' Over Chappelle Gag

April 3, 2005 -- A HATTIESBURG, Miss., policewoman and her husband found out the hard way how popular Dave Chappelle's Comedy Central show is - especially his catch phrase, 'I'm Rick James, bitch!' Diane James' husband, Rick James, is running for Hattiesburg City Council. She wrote to Comedy Central: 'Due to the popularity of the Dave Chappelle show, people keep stealing our 'Vote Rick James' yard signs ... we would appreciate a small campaign donation for more signs, as we are working-class people and financing this campaign out of our own pockets. Each time a sign is stolen, it costs us $4.75! Every time a 'Rick James' piece runs on your show, we stand to lose dozens of signs overnight, which end up decorating people's front yards and dorm rooms ... the yard signs have been spotted at least 100 miles from our home by truckers ... Also, young children on bikes scream, 'I'm Rick James, bitch!' as we drive by in our car with our 'Rick James' car signs ... People even drive by our home and scream, 'Super Freak.'' No word on whether Comedy central will pitch in for more signs.

On the passing of the Holy Father

2005-04-02T16:51:00.000-05:00

TOP TEN SIGNS YOU ARE A CHRISTIAN

10. You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.

9. You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created directly from dirt.

8. You laugh at polytheists, but have no problem believing in a Triune God.

7. Your face turns purple when you hear the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua", including women, children and trees!

6. You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and ascended into the sky.

5. You are willing to spend your life looking for loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing the Earth is a few generations old.

4. You believe the entire population of this planet with the exception of those that share your beliefs -- though excluding those in rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving".

3. While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor and speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.

2. You define 0.1% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence prayer works. And you think the remaining 99.9% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

1. You actually know alot less than atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.

(borrowed from Athiest Handbook online)

Presley tells Oprah marriage with Jackson was consumated. Audiences nationwide react by vomiting on cue

2005-03-29T20:23:00.000-05:00

Presley Dishes About Marriage to Jackson

My living will

2005-03-29T12:34:00.000-05:00

Give me a year. If I'm not getting better, kill me. (and give my organs to the kids)

30 Odd Foot of Grunts, is officially calling it quits

2005-03-29T09:09:00.000-05:00

For those of you who, like myself, are "junk news" aficionados you've probably already seen this story. Those of you who haven't, you're in for a special treat. This is the kind of item that comes about in a rare while. An item that merges the perfect measure of celebrity, pomposity, and "who cares?"

Enjoy!:

Crowe's Band Breaks Up
Mon Mar 28,10:41 AM ET
By Josh Grossberg

Russell Crowe is not a grunt anymore.

The Oscar winner, who loves being a musician when he's not unleashing hell on the big screen, has announced his rock band, 30 Odd Foot of Grunts, is officially calling it quits. But the good news? Crowe's still crooning.

"What you possibly won't be pleased about, nor understand fully until you hear this record, is that tofog would seem to have dissolved/evolved," Crowe announced in a missive on the group's Website.

While he didn't cite a reason the sextet parted company after 13 years together, Crowe noted that the break up pales "in comparison to the joy of writing unrestricted."

Hence, the thespian says he plans to release a solo disc sometime in the near future that will enable him to talk "from my heart and mind simultaneously about things that are important to me now, right now, in this time of my life, not when I was younger or dare I say it less world weary/wary, but now, as a 41 year old father/husband/lover/man."

30 Odd Foot of Grunts, which formed in 1992 with Crowe on vocals and guitar, wasn't exactly a stalwart success by music industry standards.

Despite making six albums, the rockers never caught fire with the record-buying public, never landed on the charts, nor had a hit single. In fact, their 2002 release sold an embarrassing 156 copies in its first week in stores in Great Britain.

Such little respect didn't seem to bother the Gladiator star who said he remains dedicated to mastering and commanding a side career as a budding singer-songwriter. With his latest film, Eucalyptus, which was to have costarred Nicole Kidman, indefinitely postponed, Crowe had time to work on some new material.

He described his forthcoming solo effort, titled My Hand/My Heart, as "fresh, revelatory and graceful." It explores a variety of subjects in the 40-year-old actor's life including "my beautiful wife, past relationships, my son, people I know, family tragedy" as well as, appropriately enough, "my contribution to the genre of drinking songs."

"It is without doubt the most satisfying record I've ever made, and I know when you hear it you will be seduced by its beauty," he said.

Crowe expressed disappointment with the Grunts' relationship with their label, Artemis Records, but hoped to find another company with a wide distribution net that would be willing to champion his music. To tide fans over until then, he'll release a song he cowrote with partner Alan Doyle, "Raewyn," as an iTunes single on Apr. 19.

"It is the only song I've every written that has made both men and women cry, think, and call their parents, usually in that order," Crowe bragged.

And for those who doubt his ability, the burly New Zealander has obtained votes of confidence from a pair of music icons.

"I have e-mails from Sting and Billy Bragg, two of my songwriting heroes that give testament to the quiet power of the song," he added.

In any case, Crowe stressed that "there's no master plan for world domination" (or even to open for Sting) with the songwriting. But if people like what they hear, he hinted he and his mates--who still include Grunts Dave Kelly and Stewart Kirwan--might hit the road this summer.

"For me, music is its own reward," he wrote. "Anyone else's enjoyment of it is purely an extension of the experience I've already had as a writer. I'm not out to foist my music on anyone."

Did he actually use the acronym "tofog"?

30 Odd down, DogStar to go...

Chappelle Show: Charlie Murphy's True Hollywood Stories: Rick James

2005-03-27T22:49:00.000-05:00

Charlie Murphy's True Hollywood Stories: Rick James

It must be on at least once a day on Comedy Central, but I watch it every time and it still makes me howl.

I also highly recomend:
Charlie Murphy's True Hollywood Stories: B-Ball with Prince

NBC's "The Office"

2005-03-24T21:56:00.000-05:00

Not funny. Mildly amusing.

My quick 2 cents on Terri Schiavo, and that's it

2005-03-23T22:48:00.000-05:00

What if poor Mrs. Schiavo's face, the face we see in a small selection of repetitive undated video clips, was contorted into an hideous scowl or panged with horror and fright instead of her current uncontrolled hapless angelic idiot grin? You think there would be the same outpouring of sympathy and interest from the general public in keeping this woman alive?

RIP: Charlie Purpura

2005-03-22T22:51:00.000-05:00

From what I understand my former Professor Charlie Purpura passed away on Sunday (5/20/05). He will be missed. A tough talking, straight-shooting, stand-up guy if there ever was one. His "take no bullshit" style was refreshing in a forum that could sometimes be a tad hyper-sensitive and P.C. due to the tender psyches of NYU's fledgling screenwriters.

Variety Obituary

Charles Purpura: Tisch School of the Arts at NYU

Area Head of Screenwriting, Assistant Professor in Dramatic Writing

Feature films: Heaven Help Us (Tri Star Pictures); Satisfaction (20th Century Fox); Senior Class (CBS), Girls of Summer (NBC). His other screenplays include Replay and The Moralist (Warner Brothers); Major Bens on, Roommates, and From Rockaway (Universal Studios) , Black & White (Disney), Hitman(HBO), Honest, I Do (ABC). Awards: Emmy Award and Humanities. Professional memberships: The National Academy of Television Arts and Sci ences (also Emmy Awards Judge), Member as well as WGA Award Judge and Credit Arbitrator for the Writers Guild of America, The Museum of Radio and Television, The East Hampton Film Festival, Board Member Suffolk County High School of Performing Arts, The New Dramatists. He has lectured at presentations of his films at the above institutions as well as NYU Film School, Adelphi University, Hoffstra University and Molloy College. He is currently producing his screenplays, The Miracle of Pelham Bay Park (Storm Entertainment) and Princess Doe (ABC)."

The Pat O'Brien Voicemail

2005-03-22T19:23:00.000-05:00

No stranger to the "drunk dial" am I, but this takes the cake. Pat O'Brien, the uber-nasal host of Entertainment Tonight's NYC based warm-up program, "The Insider," has completely lost it.

The Pat O'Brien Voicemail : Screenhead

Mr. O'Brien has checked himself into rehab for alcohol, but after listening to the recordings I have a hunch there might be some sort of stimulant involved.

"Lucas calls new 'Star Wars' titanic tearjerker..."

2005-03-17T22:24:00.000-05:00

LAS VEGAS (Reuters) - Director George Lucas had a message for fans as he previewed a glimpse of the final tale in the billion-dollar "Star Wars" film franchise: leave the lightsabers at home, but don't forget the tissues.

"It's not like the first one. It's more emotional," said the director of the upcoming space adventure "Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith," which arrives in theaters May 19.

"I describe it as a 'Titanic' in space. It's a real tearjerker, and it will be received in a way that none of us can expect," he told theater owners at the ShoWest convention.:

Let me guess... well of course Natalie Portman's Queen Formaldehyde dies, but how?

Accidentally or mistakenly killed by Jedi, infuriating husband Anakin "Darth" Skywalker?
Killed by husband, Anakin "Darth" Skywalker, to prove to newfound darkside friends his "Darthy-ness"?
Or, my guess, Queen Formaldehyde gives her own life - jumps infront of Darth's lightsaber so infant Luke and Leya can live to fight another day.

All I know is Han Solo (in actuality, the character that made the franchise) had better get a mention.

Great theater, wrong play

2005-03-17T21:08:00.000-05:00

Watching the great Major League Baseball steroid debate on C-SPAN. The energy the committee is putting into their prosecution is inspiring. Not that this issue should be completely overlooked, but I'd rather the inquisition be directed toward the improprieties of Enron and Halliburton.

Ron Manfred, VP of Labor Relations for MLB, is quite a character. He was wonderfully combative.

This century's Nathan Thurm.

"And that‘s the name of that tune."

2005-03-16T18:03:00.000-05:00

Jury Finds Robert Blake Not Guilty of Murder

Apple developing two-button mouse

2005-03-16T07:32:00.000-05:00

When will the innovation stop? I may just have to switch back.

AppleInsider Sources: Apple developing two-button mouse

According to sources who have so far filed accurate reports on Apple's future hardware plans, the company is feverishly working on a two-button wireless optical mouse that it intends to release.

Apple enthusiasts have longed for an Apple-branded two-button mouse for over a decade, but their requests have gone unanswered. So what has changed? According to sources, 'it's the company.'

With Apple now profiting from low-priced consumer electronics as it makes a push to reclaim market share from Windows, a two-button mouse is 'almost an essential,' sources said.

It's unclear when the computer maker plans to introduce the mouse. Insiders warned that anticipation may continue to build for months as the company perfects the product.

Apple has just recently reduced the price of its wired mouse to $29 and its wireless optical mouse to $59. The two-button wireless optical mouse would likely debut at the $69 price point once reserved for the company's current wireless mouse.

'Jaws will drop,' said one insider.

I just had to share

2005-03-15T01:20:00.000-05:00

Who knew? Britney a "tsatskele"?

Britney's Stream of Consciousness at the Official Britney Spears Web Site

Originally read on The Superficial

If you needed another reason not to use an AOL product...

2005-03-15T00:32:00.000-05:00

Thrashing Through Cyberspace: AOL Eavesdrops, Grants Itself Permission To Steal Your AIM Conversations

Finally!

2005-03-14T11:00:00.000-05:00

The friggin' sun.

"Gillooly!"

2005-03-10T18:15:00.000-05:00

Seeing that picture of Tanya Harding makes me just want to say "Gillooly!"

Come on now, say it with me. You haven't said it in 10 years. "Gillooly!"

Better to be a stupid Cow or a smart Lobster?

2005-03-10T00:25:00.000-05:00

Cow

or:

Lobster

West Wing

2005-03-09T21:41:00.000-05:00

Watch this show every once in a rare while. Caught a bit of it tonight, didn't understand a word this woman was saying. Not her fault.

Fast paced monotone staccato dialogue was owned by the British until that fellow who did all the mushrooms came along. As opposed to those who now create the show, he seemed to, at least, have a sense of humor.

Yeah, good luck buddy...

2005-03-09T20:26:00.000-05:00

Italy wants 'maximum' collaboration from US: Berlusconi

Just watched Rather signing off...

2005-03-09T18:21:00.000-05:00

That was sad, or maybe not - seemed like a good guy. Seemed as visually vital and weirdly intense as he always did. After watching his competent performance, I'd watch him again. Too bad I didn't while he was on. Damn you Joni Mitchell and your prophetic words from "Big Yellow Taxi" and I quote:

You don't know what you've got till it's gone

Maybe he'll run for public office. He probably should. His passion always seemed to spill over into the news he reported. News anchors are intelligent leaders. Fuck, they read the news all day long and command their own news machine. Quite honestly, they're probably the most perfectly informed citizen. Plus, he's a Texan. Wouldn't that combination make the perfect electable politician?

"Courage," Dan. You seem like you need it. Maybe now well find out the frequency, Kenneth. [I'm sorry, I couldn't resist.]

Giving Wolfowitz His Due

2005-03-09T17:49:00.000-05:00

Someone tell me why I shouldn't agree with Brooks?

March 8, 2005

By DAVID BROOKS

Let us now praise Paul Wolfowitz. Let us now take another look at the man who has pursued - longer and more forcefully than almost anyone else - the supposedly utopian notion that people across the Muslim world might actually hunger for freedom.

Let us look again at the man who's been vilified by Michael Moore and the rest of the infantile left, who's been condescended to by the people who consider themselves foreign policy grown-ups, and who has become the focus of much anti-Semitism in the world today - the center of a zillion Zionist conspiracy theories, and a hundred zillion clever-Jew-behind-the-scenes calumnies.

It's not necessary to absolve Wolfowitz of all sin or to neglect the postwar screw-ups in Iraq. Historians will figure out who was responsible for what, and Wolfowitz will probably come in for his share of the blame. But with political earthquakes now shaking the Arab world, it's time to step back and observe that over the course of his long career - in the Philippines, in Indonesia, in Central and Eastern Europe, and now in the Middle East - Wolfowitz has always been an ardent champion of freedom. And he has usually played a useful supporting role in making sure that pragmatic, democracy-promoting policies were put in place.

If the trends of the last few months continue, Wolfowitz will be the subject of fascinating biographies decades from now, while many of his smuggest critics will be forgotten. Those biographies will mention not only his intellectual commitment but also his personal commitment, his years spent learning the languages of the places that concerned him, and the thousands of hours spent listening deferentially to the local heroes who led the causes he supported.

To praise Wolfowitz is not triumphalism. The difficulties ahead are obvious. It's simple justice. It's a recognition that amid all the legitimate criticism, this guy has been the subject of a vicious piling-on campaign by people who know less than nothing about what is actually going on in the government, while he, in the core belief that has energized his work, may turn out to be right.

I've had only two long conversations with Wolfowitz. The second was the day after the Iraqi vote. I figured that would be an interesting day to get a sense of his mood.

He wasn't nearly as exuberant as I expected him to be, in part because, like everybody in government, he's busy with the constant flow of decisions. He said he spent 75 percent of his time on the Pentagon's budget and administration.

He deflected all my Oprahesque attempts to get him to open up and describe what it's felt like to be him for the past few years. Our tissues remained dry.

But he was eager to think ahead. 'It's fascinating how many echoes this is going to have,' he said. 'The Iraqi election is an inspiration. It's going to be a real challenge to all absolute rulers.'

He went on to suggest that American democracy-promotion could now get back onto its preferred course. Iraq, he said, was the outlier. 'Iraq is exceptional because of the use of the U.S. military,' he observed.

Normally, the U.S. plays the supporting role. For example, Americans can usefully raise the profile of dissidents so dictators feel less inclined to kill them. Wolfowitz was the first U.S. official to meet with Coraz�n Aquino. The U.S. can use its access to dictators to pressure and annoy them. Wolfowitz worked with George Shultz in the testy exchanges with Ronald Reagan, who was less inclined to ease Ferdinand Marcos out the door.

The U.S. can spark debates, but it cannot conduct them. When he was ambassador to Indonesia, Wolfowitz gave a speech calling for political 'openness.' He was careful not to use the words 'freedom' or 'democracy' because under Suharto, Indonesians might have felt inhibited about talking in such bold terms. But they were comfortable with openness, and it became the subject of magazine cover stories and a great national discussion.

Wolfowitz doesn't talk like those foreign policy blowhards who think the world is run by chessmasters sitting around at summits. He talks about national poets, national cultures and the power of people to bring sweeping change. His faith in people probably led to some of the mistakes in Iraq. But with change burbling in Beirut, with many young people proudly hoisting the Lebanese flag (in a country that was once a symbol of tribal factionalism), it's time to take a look at this guy again."

The New York Times > Opinion > Op-Ed Columnist: Giving Wolfowitz His Due

US developing 'pain from a distance' weapon

2005-03-09T10:50:00.000-05:00

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The US military is developing a weapon that delivers a bout of excruciating pain from afar to use against protesters and rioters.

Documents released under the US Freedom of Information Act show that scientists have received funding to investigate how much pain can be induced in individuals hit by electromagnetic pulses created by lasers without killing them.

Due to be ready for use in 2007, the Pulsed Energy Projectile weapon is designed to trigger extreme pain from a distance of one-and-a-quarter miles.

It fires a laser pulse that generates a burst of expanding plasma - electrically charged gas - when it hits something solid. Tests on animals showed it produced 'pain and temporary paralysis'.

Pain researchers told today's New Scientist magazine that the technology could end up being used for torture and that it was unethical.

Andrew Rice, a consultant in pain medicine in London, said: 'I am deeply concerned about the ethical aspects of this research.'"

US developing 'pain from a distance' weapon
By Nic Fleming, Science Correspondent
(Filed: 03/03/2005)

Holy Sh...

2005-03-09T07:33:00.000-05:00

From the rink, to the ring

Question

2005-03-08T08:25:00.000-05:00

How many people actually remembered that the Syrians have been in Lebanon since 1976?

My Mother taught me:

2005-03-07T14:35:00.000-05:00

Believe in the sanctity of fresh fruits and vegetables.

While Martha's under house arrest...

2005-03-07T14:31:00.000-05:00

I'll be filling in.

Domestic tip: Always have a can of decaf in the house for visitors who don't drink regular.

Just delicious

2005-03-06T20:41:00.000-05:00

The simple combination of broccoli rabe, garlic, Italian sausage, and a little extra virgin olive oil could be one of the most delicious dishes on earth.

This is surprising news

2005-03-06T08:05:00.000-05:00

The Plaza Says It'll Be History After April 30

March 5, 2005
By JAMES BARRON

The Plaza Hotel, where the fictional character Eloise romped through the corridors inside and the fiction writer F. Scott Fitzgerald romped in the fountain outside, sent the union representing its workers a letter this week making official the timetable for the hotel's closing. No one will romp at the Plaza after April 30.

The real estate company that owns the Plaza says it will become a construction site on its way to becoming condominiums and stores with a far smaller hotel on the 58th Street side.

The hotel has called all guests who had reservations for later than April 30 to let them know they cannot stay there, said Miki Naftali, the president and chief executive of Elad Properties, the Plaza's owner.

The letter to the union, the New York Hotel and Motel Trades Council, which has organized a "Save the Plaza" campaign, said that 864 workers would lose their jobs "on or about April 30."

The union wants the Landmarks Preservation Commission to designate the interior of the Plaza a landmark. The exterior has had such a designation for more than 30 years.

Copyright 2005 The New York Times Company

The Plaza website says: "The owners of The Plaza have announced that on April 30, 2005, the hotel will close for extensive redevelopment into a mixed use retail, residential and hotel complex, at which point Fairmont Hotels & Resorts will no longer manage The Plaza."

I guess that means the Oyster Bar too. Damn! Best ceviche and lobster bisque in town - gone!

Bush: "I like doing this..."

2005-03-04T23:50:00.000-05:00

President Bush Holds Citizen Meetings on Social Security

"I like doing this, by the way. I like goin' around the country sayin' 'folks, we have got a problem'...
-March 4, 2005. Westfield, N.J., President Bush holds meetings with invited citizens on his plans to overhaul Social Security. The meeting format might be described as "town hall," but many of those onstage with Bush in the meetings were handpicked by the administration and already held favorable views of Bush's proposal.

All Things Considered

Thank you Mr. President. Thank you for your time, and coming out to address us. You think you enjoy telling us we've got problems? Well, truth be told, we are just thrilled to hear about them. Ultimately, we're happy you're happy.

"Be Cool"

2005-03-04T19:21:00.000-05:00

I say "Be Frugal" and don't lay down your money for this self-absorbed clunker.

John Travolta as Chili Palmer (who?) is at it again. And this time it's the music industry that suffers the wrath of his super-mobster powers. I was not a fan of "Get Shorty" to begin with and this thing suffers from the same 10 minute ago "inside" jokes that were the attraction of the first installment. (Notice my compulsion to use the word "suffer"). The movie continues the saga of "Shylock" (their word, not mine) and all around uber-cool Palmer transitioning from the business of film to music. A business that the sleazy record producer, portrayed by Harvey Keitel, calls as wise-guy as the actual mob. Oh boy, is Chili in for the ride of his life!... Hardly.

I was about to leave at minute 70 - I believe this was after Travolta wows Steven Tyler of Aerosmith, during a sitdown, with his empathic abilities. After it is agreed upon what a great tune "Sweet Emotion" is, Danny Zuko tells Tyler that he must have written the song about the birth of his daughters Liv and the fat one. Tyler is so blown away by Barbarino's homespun Brooklyn wisdom that he agrees to let the unknown singer (played by Christina Milian), that the boy in the bubble is reping, appear with him and the band for a sellout crowd at the Staples Center. Aside from this being a completely ridiculous and poorly written scene - the foreman at my personal warehouse of useless information reminds me that Liv Tyler was brought up by Todd Rundgrun and was never in her biological father's life until her late teens. Let's not forget the drug, alcohol, and groupie filled fog the band was in when that song was written and I hardly believe "Sweet Emotion" was penned in dedication to the existence of the lead singer's children.

But it was Vince Vaughn and the Rock (or is it "Roc" - no, that's Charles Dutton) that kept me in my seat. They carry the picture. Andre 3K and Cedric are entertaining too, and could have been better utilized. But I feel Dwayne "Roc(k)" Johnson as the gay aspiring actor/bodyguard stole the show.

Chili Palmer's bravado, his greatest gesture of toughness, is his ability to freely and incessantly smoke indoors in L.A. Whoooo, I'm scared.

I used to find Elmore Leonard's cockiness endearing - these movies make him seem contrived and masturbatory.

Blog-servations

2005-03-04T07:54:00.000-05:00

Being new to the world of blog - I've taken the time to go out and visit the community, peering into the lives and sometimes meeting the neighbors. Here are a few of my observations:

People think others are interested in who they are and what they have to say.
Blogs are filled with self important crap.
I like the combination of eggs with cheese. (Scallions are a nice addition too)
The cliche of opinions being like assholes is all too true on the web. Bloggers seem to have multiple anuses.
Bloggers write far too much about things that can be stated in a sentence or two. It's called "brevity" friends.
The interest in the war in Iraq and Tara Reid's breasts are virtually equal.
I can use money. Please donate.
The Oscars also seem to be popular.
Blogging is a great way for writers to pretend they are writing. [oops.]
Did I mention I can use money?

To be continued...

"The Aviator"

2005-03-03T23:36:00.000-05:00

I find it hard to either empathize or sympathize with obsessive-compulsive millionaires.

However, the colors were very nice. Best cinematography seems deserved.

Now if they can just locate that "other" hate gene...

2005-03-03T20:52:00.000-05:00

"Germans Discover the Cabbage-hating Gene

2 March 2005

POTSDAM - German researchers have located a gene that makes some people loathe cabbage and spinach in all their forms, and discovered that the same gene often protects people from obesity.

The German Institute for Food Research in Potsdam near Berlin said the gene makes some people extraordinarily sensitive to the bitter substances phenylthiocarbamid (PTC) and propylthiouracil (PROP). Most people swallow those substances with a smile.

The scientists, led by Wolfgang Meyerhof, investigated how the gene affects human taste receptor hTAS2R38. People who cannot taste PTC and PROP tended to eat fattier foods and become overweight, so a
single gene ends up having a huge effect on eating behaviour.

The institute said the research was being published in the journal Current Biology.

-DPA

Technical crap

2005-03-03T13:21:00.000-05:00

I got rid of that worthless service HaloScan so all prior comments have been cast into the virtual void. They're gone.

Please feel free to resubmit your pithy bobbles of insight.

22 Pound Lobster Dies at Zoo

2005-03-03T09:59:00.000-05:00

I wouldn't serve him whole. But, you could still make lobster salad. LOTS and LOTS of LOBSTER SALAD.

Bubba the Leviathan Lobster Dies at Zoo

Thu, March 3, 2005

PITTSBURGH - He dodged lobster pots for decades, endured a trip from the coast of Massachusetts to Pittsburgh and survived about a week in a fish market. But a trip to the zoo proved to be too much for a 22-pound lobster named Bubba.

The leviathan of a lobster died Wednesday afternoon at the Pittsburgh Zoo & PPG Aquarium about a day after he was moved from Wholey's Market, said zoo spokeswoman Rachel Capp and Bob Wholey, owner of the fish market.

"They're very finicky. It could have been a change in the water. You have no idea," said Wholey.

Bubba died in a quarantine area of the zoo's aquarium, where he was being checked out to see if he was healthy enough to make a trip to an aquarium at a Ripley's Believe It or Not museum, Capp said.

Bubba will be examined to try to figure out why he died, although Capp and Wholey guessed it may have been the stress of being moved.

Based on how long it typically takes a lobster to reach eating size — about five to seven years to grow to a pound — some estimated Bubba was about 100 years old. But marine biologists said 30 to 50 years was more likely.

Other large lobsters didn't fare well after they were caught, too.

In 1985, a 25-pound lobster that the New England Aquarium planned to give to a Tokyo museum died when the water temperature rose and the salt dropped in its aquarium. In 1990, a 17 1/2-pound lobster named Mimi died just days after being flown to a restaurant in Detroit. Last year, a 14-pound lobster named Hercules that was rescued by a Washington state middle school class died before it could be released off the coast of Maine.

-AP

Is it me?

2005-03-02T15:49:00.000-05:00

But why is Six Flags using the visage of long dead super-agent Irving "Swifty" Lazar

as the spokesman for rollicking good times at their theme parks?

This is not me

2005-03-02T11:23:00.000-05:00

I know, I know what some of you are saying "you both share the same name, why deny it?" But, alas, I am not the same "Samuel L. Sheffler" District Superintendant at the Lewisburg office of the Central Pennsylvania Conference of the United Methodist Church. Who knows? Maybe in the next life.

It's nice to be recognized...

2005-03-01T18:55:00.000-05:00

The Superficial - Robin Williams still not funny

Tuesday - March 01, 2005

Much to my heart breaking amazement, we actually got email defending the Clown Prince of Pissin Me Off. Apparently Robin Williams can do the exact same routine for 50 years and people will still marvel at his spontaneity. Luckily most of the readers here took the red pill, including Sam Sheffler, who sent us this email :

“I used to work at SNL and write jokes for Norm. This was one of them that never made it on but I kept it hanging on my bulletin board over my desk for any jackass who would walk through to see.”

I should probably maybe feel bad for picking on a geriatric, but the clueless fuck actually thinks he’s edgy. Which is why he went on the Academy Awards with tape on his mouth. Yeah, Robin, you saying “Yo man, wuz up” in that black voice you’ve done a billion times would’ve led to a river of dead.

*Note - just for the record, Robins idea of dangerous comedy is a Betty Boop reference. Sadly, I’m not kidding.

Vampires

2005-03-01T08:22:00.000-05:00

I have the rewrite of my script long overdue. It seems "Slipshod" is a new diversionary tactic I've taken.

Hell, at least I'm writing.

Robin Williams

2005-02-28T17:28:00.000-05:00

Seeing Robin Williams last night on the Oscars reminded me of a joke I wrote years ago when I was at SNL:

This is sad... (on so many levels)

2005-02-28T14:40:00.000-05:00

Boy Crushed by Giant Snowball
28 February 2005

A 10-year-old boy died after being crushed by a giant snowball, it was reported today.

Police refused to name the youngster or release any further details of the incident, but the boy was named locally as Peter Strang, according to the Daily Record newspaper.

The accident happened at about 5.45pm on Saturday in Torphins, Aberdeenshire, Grampian Police said.

The death was 'the result of a tragic accident', a police spokesman said.

The primary school pupil apparently died playing with a friend after a 'giant snowball' rolled down a hill and engulfed him.

Local minister Norman Nicoll told the paper: 'It seems there was a giant snowball the boys had made themselves.

'Apparently it rolled and unfortunately Peter was caught under it.

'The boys had just gone out there to play and then something like this happens. It's very difficult to find words to explain it all.'

There were no suspicious circumstances surrounding the incident and a report is to be sent to the Procurator Fiscal.

The boy's parents, Hamish and Carol, were too upset to comment.

©2005 Associated New Media

Bloggidy Blog Blog Blog

2005-02-28T12:40:00.000-05:00

It's been a long time since I kept a journal. It seems I'm into this thing (or at least checking it often enough). Who knows? Maybe I'll keep it current.

Speaking of Current. What ever happened to NYU freshman roomate - Jim Current of San Rafael, CA. Jim if you're out there. Give us a shout.

Spicolli at the Oscars

2005-02-28T06:27:00.000-05:00

What the hell is wrong with Sean Penn? Why did he have to snidely voice his offense at Chris Rock for making a joke (albeit, not a very good one) about Jude Law. Sean, he was joking. Don't get your panties in a bunch. And I was just starting to like him again after seeing him with his son on "Viva La Bam".

Also, why did the Kodak Theater seem like it was half full with the B-list of the A-list in attendance? I did like the new presentation style of going to the nominees in their seats or lining them up all together on stage - great time saver!

I picked 12 out of the 24 awards correctly.

BK

2005-02-26T21:56:00.000-05:00

Someone please explain to me the Burger King Commercial with Hootie.

Yesterday's letter

2005-01-31T11:57:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I wrote an open letter to Johns Hopkins Medical. I was really put off by a new TV commercial they now have on. I cc:ed the NYT.

January 30, 2005

An open letter to Johns Hopkins Medicine

To whom it may concern:

I just saw your TV campaign during the Chris Matthew's show on NBC this Sunday morning. It struck me as one of the more tasteless things I have seen on television in recent history. Your superficial handling of death as a malady that could have been avoided so that the American public could enjoy their favorite celebrities a little longer is both ludicrous and insensitive.

By dumbing-down and simplifying the inevitability of death (due to disease or otherwise) you are insulting the intelligence of your audience. Treating the grand majority as sentimental simps whose quality of life would be increased by the sustained existence of great, albeit personally inconsequential individuals in their lives. The insensitivity of using the possibility of lengthening the longevity of everybody's favorite musician, comedienne, ball-player, et al, denigrates the memory of everyone who has ever had a loved-one die of disease.

In these diagnosis-happy days just about every cause of death, including what used to be called "natural-causes", has a disease to call responsible. Mothers, fathers, sons, daughters, uncles, aunts, cousins, friends, and co-workers all die from disease and I think it is safe to say that at least one of these personal relations can have far more of an impact on our individual lives than even the greatest of public figures. I am employing the same mind-numbing simplicity you have used in your ad campaign to make my point. I bring to your attention the experience of inequity when being pandered to.

How an institution of your esteem and wisdom would let such a vapid concept as "we could have saved your favorite celebrity from dying an early death" be used for an advertising campaign makes me disheartened. I notice from your web site that this is a marketing-plan that is media wide in scope. I hope the doctors your produce don't have such saccharine bedside manner.

Sincerely, a human being who will one day die of disease,

Samuel Sheffler

East Hampton, NY

First entry

2005-01-31T11:33:00.000-05:00

Today is better than yesterday.