Friday, April 15, 2005

Sajak Says...

Oh no!

Arguing with Liberals, and Why I've Stopped

Every time I argue with a Liberal, I’m reminded of quarrels I used to have with my parents. The battles never seemed fair because my folks decided what the rules were and what was out of bounds. In addition, because they were parents, they could threaten me in ways I couldn’t threaten them, and they could say things I could never say.
I think Pat should have listened to his parents more.

Do I smell political office? "Senator, I'd like to buy... your influence" Ha Ha Ha Ha ha ha ha

Please add your Sajak joke here:

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

I'm sorry, I had to...

The Official Britney Spears Pregnancy Watch

If I didn't, I wouldn't be a respectable member of the internet community.

Sunday, April 10, 2005

J.K. Livin'

Just caught a snippet of Matthew McConaughey on a profile show called "Uncut". He and his former frat-brother friends participate in a homegrown philosophy they call "J.K. Livin'" That's "Just Keep Livin'" for y'all work-a-day stiffs out there who didn't know. And "Livin'" (not "living") is a verb, says Matt. That's funny - I thought it was a presen' particip'.

I didn't know McConaughey actually was Wooderson - I mistakenly thought he was just acting when he played the character in a movie about stoned kids from the 70s.

Saturday, April 09, 2005

Some people are VERY crazy...

"The Mormon church has long collected names from government documents and other records worldwide for posthumous baptisms. Church members stand in for the deceased non-Mormons, a ritual the church says is required for the dead to reach heaven. The church believes individuals' ability to choose a religion continues beyond the grave."

AP - Jews, Mormons to Meet Over Baptisms

I wonder if the Mormon church has a position on dead people and "The Pepsi Challenge"?

Friday, April 08, 2005

Republican National Committee unveil new slogans:

War is peace.

Freedom is slavery.

Ignorance is strength.

For more information please visit: Agenda

Have you seen this guy?

This man, Ralph Chacon, Michael Jackson's former bodyguard, testified that he witnessed Jackson go down on a 13 year old boy.

I testify I saw Ralph Chacon GET oral from some dude in a truck on that episode of the Sopranos.

Today's headlines that didn't make it on Fark

Elton John plunges into the red. Moments later, plunges into another shrimp cocktail, slice of cheesecake, and latino pool boy

Breath Kirstie Alley! Breath! The Physics of Gluttony. To lose weight, eat less, or breathe more. Here comes the science:

"Ask me! Tell me!" Gay U.S. Soldier Wants to Serve Openly

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

I'm not proud to say it, but...

FOX's "Life on a Stick" is actually funnier than NBC's "The Office". (Not that I watched either of these shows in their entirety - I was more interested in watching the my team, the Mets, lose on another channel).

Sunday, April 03, 2005

Irony Alert! Sin City #1 at Box Office on weekend of Pope's death

Yahoo! Movies: Weekend Box Office Report

Follow up: Rick James for City Council

NYP Online Edition: Pol Gets 'Bitchy' Over Chappelle Gag
April 3, 2005 -- A HATTIESBURG, Miss., policewoman and her husband found out the hard way how popular Dave Chappelle's Comedy Central show is - especially his catch phrase, 'I'm Rick James, bitch!' Diane James' husband, Rick James, is running for Hattiesburg City Council. She wrote to Comedy Central: 'Due to the popularity of the Dave Chappelle show, people keep stealing our 'Vote Rick James' yard signs ... we would appreciate a small campaign donation for more signs, as we are working-class people and financing this campaign out of our own pockets. Each time a sign is stolen, it costs us $4.75! Every time a 'Rick James' piece runs on your show, we stand to lose dozens of signs overnight, which end up decorating people's front yards and dorm rooms ... the yard signs have been spotted at least 100 miles from our home by truckers ... Also, young children on bikes scream, 'I'm Rick James, bitch!' as we drive by in our car with our 'Rick James' car signs ... People even drive by our home and scream, 'Super Freak.'' No word on whether Comedy central will pitch in for more signs.

Saturday, April 02, 2005

On the passing of the Holy Father


10. You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.

9. You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created directly from dirt.

8. You laugh at polytheists, but have no problem believing in a Triune God.

7. Your face turns purple when you hear the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua", including women, children and trees!

6. You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and ascended into the sky.

5. You are willing to spend your life looking for loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing the Earth is a few generations old.

4. You believe the entire population of this planet with the exception of those that share your beliefs -- though excluding those in rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving".

3. While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor and speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.

2. You define 0.1% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence prayer works. And you think the remaining 99.9% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

1. You actually know alot less than atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.

(borrowed from Athiest Handbook online)